Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
