He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
