Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
