is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
