so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
