"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I believe in your delicious
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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