What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
