So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
