Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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