I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
