how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
