You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
