I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
