just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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