You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
