she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
