I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
