see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
