if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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