i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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