just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
