I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
