i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
