they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
