All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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