i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
