Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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