is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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