I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
