Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
