im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
