carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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