so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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