It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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