I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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