You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
