i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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