And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
