I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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