my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
