Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
