Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
