I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
