My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
