put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
