He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
