chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
