I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
