he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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