you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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