I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
