come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
