i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
