marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize